Answered by Ustadha Zaynab Ansari, SunniPath Academy Teacher
As-salaam Alaikum, my question is regarding Anal Sex. I know clearly that anal sex is forbidden in Islam. However my husband is not a well practicing Muslim. I try to practrice Islam as closely as possible and try to remove things in my life that may be sinful. My Husband is overall an understand person and does not create any obstacle in me trying to follow Islam. However, when it comes to Sex, he does not like it at all when I put restrictions on him. He likes to have full freedom in this aspect. He reallys wants to do anal sex and i stop him but then he gets very upset and mad at me. Due to this he is even fading away his understanding for me in other areas of life. He is frustrated, and some times even if I dont like it, he has still peformed anal sex with me. My question is, am I going to be punishable for this? In my heart, I know its wrong and I also try to stop him, but sometimes he just does not listen, will Allah hold me responsible for this? Am i sinful?
In the Name of Allah, the Gracious, the Merciful.
Dear Sister,
I pray this message reaches you in good health and spirits.
First, I would like to thank you for your question.
Many sisters believe that their husbands can demand anything and everything when it comes to the bedroom. However, this is not the case.
Sexual relations, even within a marriage, are subject to the rulings of Sacred Law. Islam is a complete way of life and there is an etiquette for every situation and every relationship.
For a healthy view of marital intimacy, we must consult the Sunna of our Beloved Prophet, Allah bless him and give him peace, who was the "best of you to his family."
Anal sex is prohibited in clear texts from the Prophet, Allah bless him and give him peace. A man who forces anal sex on his wife has sinned an enormity and is liable to being cursed by Allah, and we seek refuge in that!
This is not an area Muslim couples should play around with. Anal sex is repulsive and simply has no place in a Muslim's sex life. It runs counter to the spirit of Islamic marriage, which is premised on love and mercy. Not only is anal sex physically injurious, it also violates the rights of the wife, who is entitled to vaginal intercourse and the right to have progeny through this intercourse if she wishes.
Furthermore, anal sex is reminscent of the way homosexual males approach each other. So why would a Muslim man wish to engage in this action with his wife when there are so many other permissible ways of experiencing sexual pleasure?
Remember, each soul is accountable to Allah Ta'ala for what they have earned. Therefore, you are responsible before Allah Ta'ala according to the hadith of the Prophet, Allah bless him and give him peace, "No obedience to creation in disobedience to the Creator."
Help your husband to obey Allah by not consenting to this reprehensible action. Please suggest other alternatives to your husband. There are many options to explore that are conducive to a healthy, halal sex life.
If your husband still keeps forcing anal sex, then you need to seek counseling. If you say no, and your husband keeps on going, then this is considered marital rape, and no woman should tolerate this.
So please see what can be done about creating a healthy, happy sexual relationship wherein each spouse is respected and given the Islamic courtesy they deserve.
May Allah Ta'ala guide your husband to what is right.
And Allah Ta'ala knows best.
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