Thinking of doing nikah twice but had some questions

I have read a few related Q&A's on this website regarding performing nikah twice with the same girl, but I had two unanswered queries. I am seriously considering exercising this option because my fiancee and I wish to communicate, and I fear that we may cross boundaries if we continue the way we are going. My situation, however, is complex for the following reasons:

1. My extended family is such that if they got word of me having an early nikah (about 9 months before the planned wedding, inshaAllah) they will not understand and give my parents a hard time by creating gossip. Can we perform the nikah (1st time) and NOT announce it to the general public and keep it private? The 2nd time we plan to do it will be at the actual wedding function.

2. As much as I want to exercise this option, my father, unfortunately, will probably want me to produce some evidence (daleels) before he agrees to do this and that whole exercise will be aggravating and upsetting for me. If you could kindly give me some of the ahadith, etc used for being able to perform nikah with the same girl twice, I would GREATLY appreciate it.

3. Another reason I want to have the nikah twice is that my mother feels the wedding function is incomplete without the whole nikah-signing ceremony, so I want to be able to preserve my iman and keep her happy at the same time.

In the Name of Allah, the Gracious, the Merciful.

Dear Brother,

To answer your questions:

1. There is nothing wrong with having a small, private nikah and then having a larger celebration later on. Keep in mind, however, that the optimal arrangement is to announce the nikah to the community, consummate the marriage, then have a walima. If your parents agree, then you can have a nikah in the privacy of your home, provided that you have two male witnesses (or one male and two females), along with a clearly stated offer of marriage and acceptance. The bride should be represented by her male guardian. Later on at the big event, you can renew your vows for the benefit of the audience. Please see a related answer, "Performing Nikah Twice to the Same Person," at http://qa.sunnipath.com/issue_view.asp?HD=7&ID=6305&CATE=3600

2. I do not know the exact hadith evidence for marrying the same person twice. However, there is no text specifically prohibiting such a practice. And the abovementioned answer from Shaykh Faraz Rabbani mentions that it is valid and permissible to renew one's nikah. If your father still objects, then he can consider the the second nikah as a simple renewal of vows.

3. For a daleel that bears directly on your situation, please see Shaykh Muhammad ibn Adam al-Kawthari's, "What is the ruling on marriage? What if one fears falling into sin?" at http://qa.sunnipath.com/issue_view.asp?HD=1&ID=3122&CATE=202

If you fear falling into sin, then marriage may be obligatory for you.

Here is an excerpt, but please read the entire article:

Imam al-Haskafi (Allah have mercy on him) states in his Durr al-Mukhtar:

“Marriage is necessary (wajib) when having an overwhelming level of sexual desire (tawqan). If one is certain of fornicating (zina) if remained unmarried, then it would be obligatory (fard) to marry. This is when one (m: the male) is capable of paying the dowry (mahr) and maintaining a wife, otherwise one will not be sinful for not marrying…And marrying in moderate circumstances is an emphasized Sunnah (al-Mu’akkadah) according to the preferred opinion, thus one would be sinful for not marrying, and rewarded for marrying with the intention of chastity and gaining children..."

Don't forget to pray Salat al-Istikhara for guidance on what decision to make:

Salat al-Istikhara (The Guidance Prayer) at

http://qa.sunnipath.com/issue_view.asp?HD=1&ID=1056&CATE=4

And Allah knows best.