My Step-Father Likes Patting My Head

Answered by Sister Fatima Hasan

Question:

I live at home with my mother and her husband. he is my step dad. I observe hijaab in front of him. although there are times when I am washing up or cooking when I have to roll my sleeves up and my arms are exposed, also when he greets me he touches my head, I think this is a Pakistani tradition, is this permissible? He is trying to arrange my marriage with his close relations who aren't on the deen. Does he have a right to arrange my marriage because he is married to my mother and is my new father figure?

Answer:

In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful

Wa alaikum assalam,

It is not proper for him to touch your head (even though this is just a “fatherly” gesture).

I think it would be better for you to sit down with your step dad and address this. Do so in a warm manner, explaining that you appreciate the fatherly gesture, but... Be very positive and polite to any possible reaction he may have to this.

When washing make sure you are exposing the minimum amount of your arms (i.e. you roll up your sleeves only half way, rather than exposing the entire forearm when washing or cooking).

He does not have the right to arrange your marriage, but he may suggest people to you. The decision to marry someone remains in your hands.

Please go to www.SunniPath.com, and search for answers on marriage and the woman’s right to choose whom to marry.

Umm Anas

Sr. Fatima Hasan is a family counselor with a background in psychology. She studied in Damascus, and elsewhere.

 

MMVIII © Qibla.
All rights reserved
No part of this article may be reproduced, displayed, modified, or distributed without the express prior written permission of the copyright holder. For permission, please submit a request at our Helpdesk.

Now What?

The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, "Knowledge is only through study." While some knowledge can be gained from reading or casually listening to lectures, the best means to gain knowledge is through finding a qualified teacher and then setting up a systematic program of learning. Picking up a book or reading an article and trying to figure things out on our own is no substitute for learning from someone who has a direct link to our living tradition.

Through joining an online class at Qibla, you can benefit from convenient, online courses that will give you access to reliable scholars and our popular curriculum learning tracks. Knowledge gained in these courses will both build your iman and assist you in putting into practice what you learn. Don't give yourself less than you deserve, register today.

Related Links:

  1. Why you'll love our courses
  2. How Qibla courses work (video)
  3. What our students say
  4. Our current available courses