Mother-in-law rights on the son?

Assalamu Alikum, My mother-in-law is a divorced woman who had only my husband as a child. She constantly likes to know our affairs and says as long as it's not the sexual relationship issues then she needs to know how much my husband makes, dictates where we live including NEVER leaving the state where she lives cause she is lonely. She has many brothers that live very close to her but she demands that we live very close. we are about 45 minutes away. with our son I feel more comfortable leaving him with my mom if we travel cause I have many issues with my mother-in-law but she makes a big deal out of that too. she has many bad habits and made many mistakes raising her son that makes me not trust her judgment like smoking and dating men and drinking and so forth.I feel that we can not make a single decision without her interfering in it. my husband does not like to tell her much about our lives but she really demands to know if he doesn't want to tell her and eventually he does and this causes a lot of stress on our marriage. I feel that anything such as money or where we live or when we take a vacation or where I want to leave my son cause of concerns about her behavior should be up to us and not up to whether she will get upset over it or not. she demanded once before that he divorces me and she slandered me in an email to him. this led to him wanting to divorce me 3 times in a matter of a couple of months. what should we do since we went to many sheiks who would give general advice of try harder to please your mom but don't ruin your marriage and honestly nothing pleases her but to know and dictate our lives and I can't and don't want to live like that. please advise on what to do. you are my last resort and may Allah help us all. Ameen

In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful

Dear Sister,

Assalamu alaikum,

I pray you are doing well.

Kind treatment remains a requirement from your husband to his mother.

Nonetheless, her behavior certainly sounds way out of line. What is needed here is for your husband to develop a backbone and let his mother know that he won't tolerate abuse or disrespect of his family.

The religion does not require him to disclose his income or live in the same city as his mother. As long as her needs are being met in terms of kind treatment, companionship, and maintenance, then your husband has done his duty.

You and your husband should set guidelines for how you will handle the situation as a couple. These guidelines should be adhered to, because, in the long run, they will bring more peace into the family, insha'Allah.

I also suggest you seek out couples counseling.

And Allah knows best.